Working from Home a Spouses Perspective

Multi Facet Support
Independent Work Space
Working Patterns
Periodic Check-ins
Adaptable/ Flexibility
Alternative Emotional Support Systems
Find Purpose and Meaning in what you are doing

Sooooooo…. You working from home now, lucky you, but does your partner feel the same way?
With more and more people opting in or being required to work from home a new spousal dynamic is evolving, one that can either strengthen or destroy your home life.

My wife and I have been on this path for close on 8 years, prior to her joining me at home, I had been working on my own for 10 years and had developed a system to not only ensure my productivity but to also manage my sanity. To truly get to know one self is to be alone daily on a regular basis with nothing more than your thoughts and a sense of solitude. No distractions, no colleagues, just you. For most people this would be a scary thought but you develop systems to cope and stay sane.

With your sanity already precariously teetering on a cliff edge all of sudden you add an earthquake, by throwing your spouse into the mix. This initial stage where you both figure out your boundaries and establish a work balance can be a tumultuous period. For some this will be too much to bear but for others it can bring you closer together as you start to work like a well-oiled 2 stroke engine, a little noisy at times, but it gets the job done.

I wanted to get my wife’s perspective on working with me and let me tell you I’m no picnic, especially when there is work stress involved.

Communication comes in at number 1, no surprise there, but the communication parameters are the key. Setting boundaries early on and fencing off your respective work space plays a crucial role in creating that personal zone that can only be breached under predefined, agreed upon circumstances. 

For us its more about timing, communicating at predefined times only unless its an emergency. Get to the point, no fluff
pieces with unnecessary background, state your case then proceed back to your respective work area. I personally feel that women find this hard as its natural for them to buffet their communication with background stories and irrelevant content.

Working patterns make a difference, my wife keeps different times to me. I love early mornings and get tons done before she’s even awake, however I crash early and by 8pm my mind is jelly. This is she time that she comes alive and works till 2 in the morning, long after my head has hit the pillow. These working patterns allow us both to do some mental heavy lifting with little to no interference from each other.

Sleeping patterns and communication is all well and good but what about emotional support? Good question and one that I explored at length with my wife. Here is the just of our combined wisdom; don’t get too involved in your partners day to day dealings, focus on what’s important to you, gives you meaning, don’t expect this from your partner. Its imperative that you self-identify, explore you purpose and find that special something that can bring you a sense of fulfillment. Your personal fulfillment should not be dependant on your partner. If this is not possible through your work then seek it externally through hobbies, social interactions and spiritual growth. 

Your partner should never be your solitary emotional support system, build it with friends, family and even through social media forums.

In the end your happiness is not dependant on your partner, feel each other out, set some basic rules and enjoy the freedom that comes from working at home.


PS: Kids and pets add another dynamic but that’s a discussion for another day…


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